If you live in a world where you only ever see bitterness, bitterness is all you shall receive. Conversely, should you view a constant stream of glowing beauty - beauty will provide itself to you. It is a simple philosophy, but an altogether true reflection of the life we view through the reflective mirrors of our own eyes.
I have been a little lost in the shadows for a while now. Fortunately, I am not trapped in the dark abyss of a rotten existence, but the essence of a past carrying a ratio of one smile per fifteen frowns, which still lingers around me. This wasn't initially a world I created, but one I was born into; an unfortunate result of being around souls who couldn't get beyond their own issues with life. But I allowed it to become my mode of viewpoint, therefore any excuses to exonerate myself of personal responsibility are just that, excuses - I have been a big boy for many a year; plenty of time to water my own soul in the rich wonders of life.
Over the years - through force, reflection, dedication, and a genuine love of the human race, I have been edging closer to the side of life I always wanted to live in; the side where kindness is regular, judgement minimal, and gregarity constant. Not a naive notion of a perfect utopia where we all dance around a maypole, singing songs from The Sound Of Music, but a world in which everyone carries desire to avoid hurting one another. Every time I come so perilously close to entering the doors of this brave new land, I manage to pull myself right back into the dark shadows; I often wonder if I fear a global love of this magnitude? Choosing the comfort of destruction, over the possibilities of creation.
I am trying to find the light, walk through it, and live the rest of my years as a beacon of positive energy. To view existence as a whole in a less delusional, selfish manner, and provide others with reasons to smile and feel good about being alive; as opposed to creating doubt in both themselves, and their personal pathway. I have many wonderful people in my life who lead me toward this direction, and I need to listen much more than I speak. But I am trying, and I seek deeper and stronger skills of progressive social communication, so need to remember how every human life is of equal value, and of equal worth; I can hear my ego screaming in disbelief - but he has to learn sometime.
So I continue to search for the brighter dawn, while standing at the edge of a permanent midnight I no longer need. I have lived in a world where the sun never shines, nobody smiles, and the background music is a constant loop of the slow numbers of Leonard Cohen; a place where every stranger is a potential enemy, every helping hand extended for ulterior motive, and each bridge designed purely for the twisted entertainment of watching as it is mercilessly destroyed. It is a land lost in a cold, empty hate I wouldn't wish on anybody, and I cannot say it ever felt like home sweet home. Though in an odd form of irony, it has helped me to appreciate beauty more than I ever possibly could have; I have a lot of appreciating to do...