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For part three of this story, CLICK HERE.
"Written by Pudding the Cat: December 25th, 2013."
"Jingle Bells, Potato smells, Pudding stays in bed!"
Okay, that’s not entirely accurate. And I will admit here in my private diary, I secretly enjoy the madness of present day; when Mummy and Daddy servant gulp lots of hooman liquid; rendering them giggly and silly. Elvis receives a brand new castle in his tank - which he forget exists a thousand times a day. And Potato; who celebrates his first, is likely to become so excited by all the glitz and glamour, he will end up running around until his chicken drumsticks can move no more. By evening time - as we always do, we will find ourselves sleeping in my living room like grizzlies in snowflakes season; happy and relaxed, as our tummies are loaded with pieces of that Turkey bird, who Mummy always violates in an unfriendly manner...
As far as my extra-special shiny gift is concerned? It is with great sadness to announce, I have abandoned my quest to defeat prickle man and his army of decoration soldiers, until next year, anyway. For all my ingenuity and cleverness, my associate Potato is still a trifle too short for this Pudding to achieve success. But I will train him in the wits of combat - and bathing too; smelly woofington. Beside a meatier Potato, all I need is a fresh, innovative master-plan; which I am considering involves a giant wibbly wobbly jelly attack of some form – but this is for another time. For right now, I will merely enjoy jingly jangly sounds, tasty noms, and hope the special shiny gift is something the recipient finds appropriate; even though ceiling cat meant it for yours truly.
It's not all doom and dustbin-men; the other menial gifts sometimes satisfy me. There was that poster of those card playing woofingtons – which I gave my opinion of with a lovely sausage on top of it. Then there was the evil robot Monkey, designed to overthrow my powers; until I introduced a naughty little pee to his mechanics, and made him exploded. I even enjoyed the cardigan, crumpled version of Mummy knitted for me to wear; but only because it made a lovely bed to practice my meditations in.
Anyhow, being the special day it is, I glide down the stairs; where inside my messy living room everyone seem excited. All the presents have been opened; well, all but the extra special shiny gift protected by the green prickle monster - taunting me in another year of victory, no doubt. Daddy dances in a brand new top hat, magic stick, and a pair of comfy feet warmers as a Mince Pie sticks out his mouth. Mummy wears a huge jumper that makes her look like a leprechaun person. And Potato wears the replica jumper to Mummy – only a smaller version to fit his hairy belly; he doesn't appear too pleased, he told me he had asked Pugster Claus for a bed shaped like a sausage.
Wondering what I have this year, I look around for my tributes... nothing? Has the monster brain-washed them all, and made my family forgotten me? I am worried. Suddenly, an excited Mummy grabs the special shiny gift from the clutches of prickle man, and to my shock, hands it to me with a wide-eyed expression. In her odd hooman tones, she speaks; “This is for you, Pudding. Everyone wanted to show their gratitudes and appreciations, for all your years of caring for us." I don’t believe it – my mediations of mind power worked! Not only am I master and ruler of the entire household, but also prickle monster as well! Potato looks at me in an agreeable manner, nodding for me to open the prize I have waited all these years for; I have a feeling he has played a part in this magical, of unimaginable outcomes.
In an excited hurry, I tear away the shiny wrapping. I stand back, more shocked than I have ever felt in any of my nine amazing lives. I stare at my award in awe, then say a proud thank you and a very happy present unwrapping day to Mummy, Daddy, Elvis, The Colonel, and of course, Potato – who nods and smiles wildly as his bacon slice of a tongue sticks out. The present I have waited for through all these years, is bold, beautiful, and everything I could ever have dreamed of. It is the greatest gift in the entire history of the universe…
Now all they waited for, was a brand new 2014...
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