|"Easy? You do it!"|
Besides this, he is also a fourty-four year veteran inside the beautiful game; fifteen as player, twenty nine as manager, and carries a hard-earned reputation as one of footballs true great minds. A constructor of finesse, bank-roller of stadiums, and innovator of forward thinking professionalism, he is the sophisticated ideal, in which all football managers are defined.
Regardless of his long list of achievements, however - should life at the Emirates go tragically pear-shaped this season; and Arsene face another trophy-less year? I know the perfect solution... I could manage Arsenal. After all, while fluent in only English and bullshit, and never having kicked a professional football in my life, I did win the 1997 Premier League with Barnet on Championship Manager; as well as successfully sell Carlton Palmer to Barcelona. Managing a professional football team - anyone can do it...
As I quietly write in one of my many coffee shop hideouts, two middle-aged Tottenham fans sit to the side of me; loudly discussing their clubs current tale of woe; you'd think they'd be used to pain, after five decades of achieving hardly anything. The louder, larger one, proudly proclaims, "I could manage Spurs!" He tells his friend how his rudimentary tactical plans to "play Defoe all the time", and no-nonsense attitude of "If they don't like it, I'll stick them with the twelve-year-olds!" will eventually lead to - in his boldest of statements, "not only win the Premiership, but also get to the semi-finals of the Champions League." I guess he hasn't figured out a way to contain Lionel Messi, yet.
The conviction and passion in his voice, tells me he truly believes the delusion of his own words; as if he could take the helm at White Hart Lane - pick a first eleven, shout a few fist-pumped "let's ave ya's" at the team before kick-off, and sit back as Tottenham become the invincibles of 2014. Fighting back laughter, it becomes difficult not to turn and ask what exactly qualifies him to manage the England of club football. Before I do however, he provides the best possible answer without realising; "I know exactly how Spurs play and are meant to play... I read all the papers!"
|"A small fraction of people to keep happy"|
On top of this, they have to constantly produce results on the field without burning the financial coffers, create tactical plays better than the just as ambitious and determined manger on the opposite dugout, and satisfy a thousand itches which never stop pinching on the skin; hardly a simple game of dropping plastic, circular yellow chips through vertical holes. The media don’t help. They promote football managers as inept and foolish, and condition fans incapable of independent thought, that mangers are hired by selecting a name from a hat containing a list of monkeys who won a spot the banana competition in the Beano; or it's European equivalent, in some cases. All in all, the notion anyone can manage a football club as well as an Arsene Wenger, Alex Ferguson, or even a Sam Allardyce tend to forget, there is good reason they are paid the money they are to do the job they do; and why a fat bloke in a coffee shop mumbling platitudes, isn't.
So yes, like all those knee-jerk reactionaries, who fail to think beyond black and white; I could manage Arsenal... badly, very, very badly! I doubt Arsene has too much to worry about...
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