Throughout my life, I’ve always felt like someone on the edges of society. Kinda like the square peg which only slightly fits into that circular hole it is meant to adapt into. Too street wise for the intellectuals, too intellectual for the street wise. Too determined to be a failure, too lazy to secure success. You can pick your cliché here from all manner of tired statements. But my point is, I have spent most of my life feeling an odd sense of isolation from humanity, while conversely connecting with it, in ways which appear genuine to most people I meet; born from those wonderful acting skills, we all learn in the nature of protection, in the more dangerous side of this game of life.
This, however, is nothing exclusive to me as a person. It is essentially the life of a thinker. People who think a lot, often find themselves spending more time consciously wondering about shit, then actually doing stuff - while concurrently balancing these extremes. It is like taking the pleasures of life and trying to understand them all, instead of just allowing ourselves to enjoy them. It is also why thinkers need avenues of brainless activity, to both allow themselves a mental break, as well as tune back in to physical reality. I go to the gym, watch Wrestling, and in general search for entertainment in the stupidest of life's aspects, to help avoid falling into the abyss of an over-analysis which serves no purpose, in the grand scheme of having fun; in a life far too short to forget how to enjoy.
But it is difficult for the thinker. For while physical activities are easy to share with others; as they can be seen and understood. Thoughts and ideas are much more complicated to hand to one another - as our own processes are different, and the mechanics operate with greater convolution. In other words, it is much easier to play bat and ball, then to group together and design a puzzle.
Who knows. It is late, and a lot of this sounds like pretentious bollocks, when I read it back. And I am writing more of a personal, self-gratifying, random log here, than a well thought out blog article. Those of you who read this may well wonder what I am talking about. This is not a clever, thought provoking series of words, it is just a bunch of jumbles before I go to bed. Blog writing is hard work, and most are read by a few number of people. But I keep going, because I love to write, and love words. The beauty of this blog however, is I didn't allow it any thought. At least I don't think I did. The edge's are not always clear...