Reality Classes.

"We don't need no education."
There has never been a time in my life where knowing the names of Henry the Eighths six wives, was of any real value. Knowing Oslo is the capital city of Norway, a Toad is an Amphibian, and the Dodo remains a long extinct form of pre-historic bird, has – beyond being interesting factoids to impress random people with, are completely useless pieces of information; in the grand scheme of personal survival. 

I’m not knocking the education system. I believe teachers do a massively under-appreciated job, in spite of the weight against them, and the system manages to mix a myriad of topics youngsters need to learn about life very well – considering the short time frame per calendar year afforded to them. I just feel there is enough filler masquerading as valuable information, we could easily live without.

Skills such as English, Maths, Science, and the basic fundamentals of communication are untouchable – reading, writing, and being able to count to ten, are the core of a self-aware intellect – and without them watching Countdown would be shit. So they stay. I would add a lot more physical education in the mix; especially nowadays. When I was at school every class had one fat kid, now it seems every year has an entire fat class. Instead of wasting time going over how Muslims and Christians both think the other is wrong; because it’s unlikely either is going to accept the others viewpoint, get those lard arses blubbering around a track every day – teach them the immense value of the human body.

Dump Geography, History, Religious Education, and other fringe topics. My view being the kids interested in Papua New Guinea or the Crusades, will go searching this stuff online. And the thick ones who couldn’t care less for it, will be bored having to sit and listen anyway – so why waste both their times? With all these spare education hours available, we add a fresh new subject to the academic agenda… reality classes.

Reality classes begin at the age of seven, are one hour a week every week; until the legal leaving age of sixteen. Their sole purpose is to teach children that while life is a wonderful, invigorating gift, it is also fraught with brutality, frustration, and having to deal with all manner of wankers and bullshit the school system simply chooses to ignore – which we all have to deal with on a regular basis. I don’t mean telling the young, life is shit, because it’s not. But while it’s not all bastards and beatings, it is not all sunshine and rainbows either.

I am sure someone could suggest learning about the awful times of the past does this, but really it doesn’t; acts of History seem like stuff which happened to other people in oldie, backward-arse times – not today. Plus Churchill and Hitler never had Facebook accounts; though it would have been funny if they did…. Churchill’s status of “Just invaded Normandy – the town, not a person.”, met with likes by Albert Einstein and Harry Truman. While Joseph Stalin comments with “Remember, Adolf told me to do it.” Which Mussolini likes, of course. The classes definitely need to reflect the times.

After thinking about this a little, I have decided to teach a few classes of my own, via the power of blogging. So my next blog will be my first lesson in reality class… bullshitters. I guess I am as good an expert as anybody else – and in truth, anybody who has lived a few years in this life, is qualified to teach. And anyway, none of this is ever to be taken too seriously… perhaps this is a lesson in the class unto itself. 


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