Cruel Intentions.

I've always been a believer in the idea of God having a spiritual language, we as humans struggle to comprehend; due to a mixture of an underdeveloped brain, and good old fashioned ignorance. As much as explaining human life to a Dog, makes hardly any sense to a Dog, explaining the ways of the Universe to us humans - at least from the perspective of God, is just as baffling. 

Nonetheless, as much as some Dogs are able to interpret base commands, or even guide their owners - and use ATM'S, there are a select amount of humans who can figure out some of the code of the Big Cheese. Maybe it's in nature's signals, feelings we have, and all that other random stuff that probably isn't random at all - I am not sure, but I do believe it's there. And because of this - and an inborn conscience, I tend to have a philosophy of live and let live, and try to stick to making the lives of others - if not better, than at least neutral. I don't always succeed, but I mean well.

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from Pete, a guy who runs Mudstacle; a website which reviews Tough Mudder esque multi-terrain, boot camp 5k or 10k races; (link below). He was looking for writers who love fitness, to take part in some events, than write up a review or two on his site. Fortunately, he offered me both free entry and an event in Surrey for March 9th. Naturally I jumped at the chance, and imagined all the Krypton Factor style muddy mayhem which would await me. My girlfriend has a car. I do not have a car. As she is always with me on the journey of life - and can take great photographs of my egotistical, vain arse, the plan was to drive to the event on Saturday morning; where I would do the race, take lots of cool photos, get muddy and knackered as hell, and in general, have a great time all round together. Then, I could write about it on Monday and await its posting on the website. I am losing faith by the day in my abilites as a writer, so it came at a perfect time, and the entire idea was win win all around. 

Thinking all is positive, and proud of myself for making it happen. God out of nowhere decides to say "screw you pal, it aint happening!" In the usual cruel, malicious way he operates, the opportunity was taken clean from my hands, and all I can do is take it...

Marissa's car begins choking on Sunday. In almost two years, it has never gone a day without operating. She tells me it needs to be looked at, and already alarm bells ring inside - but I try remaining positive. Yesterday, she calls me and says the engine may need changing. This means the car is fucked, I don't race, and worst of all, she has a £500 bill to replace the engine. I am pissed - she gets a massive bill, and I lose out on Mudstacle. Different kinds of bad karma, handed to a peaceful, animal loving art student, and my good self. A few hours later, she calls me again. The mechanic tells her the car is nowhere near as bad as she thought, and instead it is just £50 for a basic clean up. Great, I think - back in the game. Except there is one problem... it wont be fixed till Monday. I suddenly realise - for no apparent reason, good old God has decided to do me royally on this one - is his usual cruel, malicious way
I look at other options. The train is way too far out, and I would need three changes of clothing anyway. Renting a Car is too expensive. Marissa shows her usual kindness by offering to pay for it, but as a man I couldn't live with myself, letting her do that. After all the options, I realise all I can do is let Mudstacle Pete down gently, miss out on an event I was excited about, and take it up the arse, like the rest of Gods twisted, pointless acts. Marissa attempts a balance, by telling me it isn't meant to happen. The trouble with that is; if this is true, then why the allow me to get this all set up, just to take it all away, days before the event? It is almost like a Father promising his kid a trip to Disneyland for months, then on the morning of leaving, say to the boy, "you aint really going... I was just doing it to build character. 

I am going to try and believe it is being done to help me - in some universal mysterious way type thing, I guess. But I am none too pleased about it, and at the moment I am succeeding in containing the emotion of the frustration - maybe that is the real point. In the end no one has died, Mudstacle Pete will I'm sure understand, and there will be other days to take part in these wacky races. But it just seems so cruel. And while I don't tolerate human cruelty, when it comes to that of God, I am not sure if I have a choice.

Some of natures commands are wonderful - some are just plain spiteful. Much like the human to a Dog; while some may rationalise doing so, in truth... Dogs don't really need to be hit - they just need to be loved. Human beings do too.


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