Pages

Leaving The Past.

I write this without edit, consideration, contemplation. or any thought about the interpretation it may evoke. I know this is somewhat selfish to do, but it is what it is - and I am what I am.

I sit here now on my bed, in the summer of 2012, wondering what is going to become of the future? It is a question I nor anyone else can answer. But one thing I am certain of, is that with positive thinking, a good attitude to the human race, and a hard, consistent work ethic, tomorrow may not be wonderful, but it is unlikely to be as God damn brutal as the past twelve months. So I move forward trusting my true nature; which is, thankfully, a pretty kind, compassionate one. I am far from perfect, and have off days - in my case, an off day is a pretty awful sight. But in general I carry an ethos of live my life my way, and let others live theirs in their own ways too; what right do I carry as an authority to others anyway? It is their life, and we are all mortals; together alone, trying to find a means to enjoy the crazy circus of life on Earth.

One of these ideals I carry is that I never let the past linger upon the present. I view yesterday as a time where we should take the good and the bad experiences, learn from them, try to become better people internally, and move on; in reality, you cannot change what your eyes once saw, only the ways in which they see them now. Dwelling on mistakes, dark corners, empty choices, errors beyond your meaning... what is the point? Life is too short, and anyway, everybody makes mistakes - this is why we have today, as it affords an ability to rectify them - whether within ourselves, or to the outside world.

So when I am around those who do nothing but wallow in the past, it takes me back there. I wouldn't mind if they were happy recollections of all the lessons learned and funny memories, but they are not. It is usually negative refractions used to excuse immature defence mechanism acts of today. Once upon a time, it was funny, now - at the age of 31, I just feel sorry for those I meet who are like this. It then takes me back. It makes me question my upbringing, the education I allowed to slip away. The lost friends, partners. The places I stayed too long in, and the places I should have stayed in longer; I am suddenly around negativity, and much like Harry Potter with the dementours, I can feel my soul being slowly sucked away from within.

So I walk away. I walk away in search of another of the millions of souls who live to love. Who do not judge, moan, criticise a world they have zero idea about, and in general drudge through the day in internal misery. I find them, I build friendships, communication, and good associations, and try to open doors which the same shitty past once told me I have no right to open, and even if I did, are only full of hideous demons inside. Well, I opened many of those doors, and I haven't found any demons yet. In fact, most of the demons I ever knew, were already beside me, masquerading as false angels (bit like most political parties, I guess); it is amazing how darkness fears you finding light, more than it does in itself.

Yesterday I played Chess and cards with my nephew and niece. Astounded by their intelligence and liberated natures, I looked at them and saw the future. I viewed the promises and potentials which we can only imagine they will achieve. And as someone who believe themselves to be a good judge of talent, these two have the entire world at their ever-growing feet. I see the same in my other nephew and niece too. Though all still too young to see the best of them, why would anyone wish to waste time on an unchangeable negative past, when they can consider so many positive potential futures - especially in this new, incredible generation?

So fuck the past. In all honesty, it bores me now. I have had many wonderful memories, but am too busy creating new ones to think about them. And for all the bad visions of my former days? This is why the word "philosophical" exists. Seriously, to all the negatrons out there... it just aint worth the energy.

I now look forward to watching England at the Euros tomorrow. Yes, they have done little in 46 years. But when on the field of battle, do you think any one of those professional footballers, ever think about it?

Lee.

No comments: