Sri-Lankan Nerd Bag.

I have a satchel, otherwise known as a man-bag. It is a cheap throwaway item I purchased from a Primark store, to contain my laptop, as I travel to and from Starbucks, to continue working on the greatest book I have ever written - which nobody can disagree with, because it is the only book I have ever written, so far. It replaced it my previous, more formal carrying sack, referred to as my 'Sri-Lankan Nerd Bag'. Which, even though I am quite fond of both Sri-Lankans and nerds, probably never really suited me that much; though it may explain the reason I was thought to be an I.T Programmer.

Anyway, being a cheap piece of material, and my laptop weighing a couple of kilos, it caused the straps to become worryingly loose on either side. The first time I became aware of this, as I left my house,  I gingerly held the left strap side in my fist, just in case it broke - it didn't. The second time I left my house, I still held it, only with less conscious awareness - it didn't break. The third time, I thought about it, a little. The fourth, barely. Five, six, seven... eventually, I stopped thinking about it - and it did and has remained strong; now there is no more fear; I carry it around, and am not worried in the slightest.

And when I think of this routine towards my fear of the strap breaking, I realize it has been the same for every slightly irrational fear, I have ever defeated; the first time I drove a car, ordered a pint of beer, worked a job, wrote a script, held court in a social setting, paid a bill, trained in a gym, hell, even the first time I wallpapered a room in a house, was treated with the same functional system of just doing it, until there is no longer any thought about it being hard, it is merely something you do; eventually, it is no longer a fear, but a process of normal living.
Of course, these are basic aspects of life, and the much harder fears, such as raising a family, battling an illness, running a company, etc, are going to be a challenge. But even these seem to me, as simply similar constructs, only with greater personal responsibility to both yourself and others; the framework is the same, only you need stronger arms to hold the weight.

The human mind is very creative, and an idea of a negative or painful consequence, generally tends to force us as a species to hold ourselves back, but why? Have you ever done something a little scary, then thought to yourself - "that wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be." This is the crux of creating and also conquering fear; ugly in the eye of the mind, beautiful in the eyes of reality.
I guess many of these fears are ingrained through the environment and hereditary nature in childhood - both small and major, at a time when the mind does not think of action, it simply acts; fear is as much conditioned, as it is a biological reaction. Regardless, they are all breakable, and desire is the real key to achieving any form of progression.

My bag is strong, my brain is sharp, and my desire to crush every fear ever given to me by humanity, remains more prominent than it ever has. It is an interesting concept, and with age, the bag gets bigger and heavier, so we all need to practice training our arms, in order to make them able to carry the weight; I know many people who are capable, because, deep down, everyone is capable.
My bag is probably going to break tomorrow...


No comments: