Someone Else's Dream.

It isn't a smart move by anybody to give their heart to a total stranger, or to simply jump into the deep end of it all, and allow the person you choose as your other half of the future, from the moment it hits you that they may be someone you could share all your stupidities and idiosyncratic ways with. But, then again, how long do you wait before you make a decision like this anyway? There is no answer, but, you know this as well as I do. The rhetorical nature of the question, like all rhetorical questions of life, find their answers somewhere in the emotional core, and I guess, if it is a truly tangible aspect of our central existence - the human soul.
I've seen enough stupid jumps into oblivion based around the less stable portions of humanity, but love is hard to find, and when it comes into anybodies viewpoint of normal living, sometimes it makes all sorts of sense to give it all we can, and hope for the best.
I don't really deserve what I have. I never intended to find what has come across me. I never searched for a partner to do anything more than gratify and validate the impulses and whims I needed to feed at the particular times in which I did, which is almost definitely one of the many reasons none of them lasted very long at all. I know people in this life who deserve all of this which fills me and my partner with the internal security of a long lasting relationship. I feel a little guilty sometimes over this, but still, as much as I did when I was single, I hope this aspect of their lives hits them as I believe it should. The hardest part about being attached is wishing you could give this same feeling to all those who don't have it - and it is easy to know spot them, even if you do not know them.
Still, I remain grateful and thankful, and can only end this unedited blog by saying that I now finally realize that even though it is possible to achieve much without the feeling of being loved and able to love right back in turn, it is a hell of a lot fucking easier when you have it.

So God, even though I don't really like you very much, and think your an insecure being who needs way too much validation, I simply say to you my Friend danke! And wonder why whenever a stranger refers to me as 'My friend', I always get the feeling they are untrustworthy? Now go help out everyone else creator of planets, and I may smile for you now and again.


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