Reality Class 101: Bullshitters.

"Don't blame me, I didn't do it!"

Good morning children, it is nice to see a full class. First of all, I hope you are all comfortable in your seats. None of you realise this right now, but the positions you are seated in, are already starting to establish your course of existence. Some of you will be bullies, others the bullied. Some shall embrace and love the world like a sunflower, others will hate it like the taste of a bitter pill; for an illness you never wanted, given to you by a person you only pretended to like. 

Anyway, today we are going to learn about bullshitters. Now, before you ask what a bullshitter is, let me tell that bullshitters exist all over Earth. From the indigenous tribes of the Australian bush-lands, to the inner sanctums of the Houses of Parliament – a veritable cauldron for bullshitters, they arrive in all colours, cultures, class systems, genders, shapes and sizes. They can be young or old, male or female, politicians or street cleaners, gay, straight… it doesn’t matter. Like all elements of human nature, it is impossible to define by stereotype. Remember this as a note for future reference – it will serve you well when balancing tolerant liberation, with cold-hearted survival. 

I must also add, not everybody is a bullshitter. There are in fact many genuine, honest human adults in this world, who call life as their hearts and minds see it. Unfortunately, personal experience with bullshitters, distorts levels of trust. Bullshitters are inadequate. This is essentially why they make shit up. They lie about their reality, as a means to sate an internal feeling of worthlessness; believing their willing mark lives an exciting, fulfilling life – when they are usually quite standard. A noted sign of bullshit in action, is when you tell them about a personal achievement, they will tell you they have done the same thing – just a little better than you. If you ran a mile in six minutes, they ran it in five minutes and fifty nine seconds. You earn fourty-grand a year, they earn fourty-one. You once saved a Cat from a high-tree? They saved a Gorilla from a burning tower block. 

Bullshitters are lost in a constant stream of pointless competition; playing a game of one-upmanship to layer a fragile ego. They are in general, harmless (Unless in positions of power like a politician, or defending acts of murder - see picture), and best taken with a pinch of salt. If you feel like pandering to them for personal entertainment, act as if you believe every word of the lie; this will cause their confidence to swell, and shoot from their mouths even more elaborate bullshits. The more convinced they are you buy the lie, the more they are willing to sell.

The self-defeating nature of bullshitters is two-fold. The first is due to their web of lies being impossible to remember, therefore stamping over previous veils of deceit; who wins the lottery, twice – when once is rare on its own. The second is the lack of congruence in their stories; an obese man cannot run a mile in six minutes, as much as if a man is so affluent, why is he wearing a two pound t-shirt from Primark and living in a council house? When someone tells you they fell off a freight train, they never explain why they were on a freight train in the first place; and even if they were, why were they hanging outside of it in full motion? More to the point, why do they have no scars, stories, or more detail to prove it? 

Like all liars, their stories are vague… always, vague. And under cross-examination, fall to pieces like an English defence in a world-cup knock-out match. The only time their lies ever become dangerous, is if they promise you anything progressive to your own life, they simply do not have. If I, as a teacher, promise you information on how to pass a future test – or some financial opportunity, but never deliver, you suffer from a non-existent help to move you forward. 

So be weary of bullshitters. They will go at great lengths to prove their point, but your instinct will always sense something wrong – listen to it! And that is our lesson for today. Feel free to embrace the information as an aid to life, or reject as manipulative bullshit. Life is complicated, and often hard; we as people tend to make it this way. I hope this information has been of some value. I look forward to seeing you, in my next reality class…


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