I Would Love to Live in a World Where...

  • Spiritual evolution carries zero fear of societal ostracisation.
  • Elvis Presley never left the building. 
  • Rod Stewart never entered the building.
  • The human mind peaks two decades before the body which carries it, instead of the other way around.
  • All news outlets are replaced with Andy Capp comics and re-runs of Knight Rider.
  • World leaders have to address their nations in costumes of well-known fictional characters.
  • Greed is punished with public shootings by water cannons, which are awarded to the kind.
  • David Cameron lives in a garbage bin, owned by the local street cleaners.
  • Castles and mansions are reserved for the homing of stray cats and abandoned dogs.
  • Robert De-Niro still plays psychos and predators.
  • It is illegal to remake movies like Psycho and Predator.
  • It is legal to slap people who talk in cinemas in the face with a rubber chicken.
  • The Internet carries a vocabulary limit of at least 5,000 known words per user.
  • Geography is replaced in the curriculum with viewings and studies, on the social implications of 1980's comedies.
  • Religious hymns are replaced with Beatles songs in school assembly each morning.  
  • Every second spent on serving religion, infomercials, celebrity gossip, MacDonalds, X-Factor and toupees, is used to create giant canvas pieces of living human art instead.
  • Internet trolls find right-hand relief as emotionally satisfying as an actual sex-life; destroying the need for more trolling.
  • Prayer is unnecessary and pointless.
  • Wars are fought via tournaments of, twister, Buckaroo and Rock-Paper-Scissors at national stadiums, with tickets given to anyone in social housing via postal lottery.  
  • Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny and Professional Wrestling are real.
  • Uri Gellar can genuinely bend spoons.
  • Bananas actually wear pyjamas. 
  • Adolf Hitler’s parents wore condoms.
  • More lists like these are written.

What would you love to see in this world? Answers in the comment section below...