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Seven Reasons Patrick Stewart is Awesome...


Patrick Stewart is - quite simply, awesome! I am declaring this a fact of the universe which cannot be argued, criticised or discussed in any manner. It is as true as saying London is England's capital city, there are twenty two pounds in a kilogram, and Jimmy Saville fixed it for hundreds of underage children in the 1970's. Of course, we live in a world loaded in cynicism, so for those who question my unquestionable fact, let me explain seven reasons why Professor Picard, is the king of kings…

1. He is a working class hero.
Most males born into poverty stricken families of the grim British North – especially during the first half of the 20th century, found their lives a ruthless diet of gritty manual labour, piss-poor healthcare, and lard sandwiches. For Partick Stewart however, slaying the forceful beast of society was his calling, and the life of an actor was all he ever desired. Years after global domination, the now Knighted Sir Patrick keeps his roots firmly grounded in his Yorkshire past, and reminds us all that dreams can become realities; even with a stomach loaded with second-hand Hovis and spam.

2. He dressed as a crab for Halloween.
Celebrities are an often pretentious bunch. Image obsessed, lost in the fear of how many twitter followers than can ‘win’, and pretending to be 'street' so nobody will remember the gold-plated toilet containing its own butler; in their twenty-six bedroom house, Patrick is none of the sort. Posting regular photos of sheer awesomeness through his Twitter feed - purely for the sake of it, he is a man at complete comfort with himself, and has no need for personal acceptance. Can you ever imagine the Will Smith’s or Wayne Rooney’s of the world, as the above photo?

3. He went completely bald at 18, and is now an anti-hirsute icon.
For any 30 something or older male, hairloss is an acceptable portion of maturity. Some accept it and move on, others purchase wigs and convince themselves no one can tell. To experience the agony of total baldness before this age, requires an iron will; able to handle the barrage of slaphead jokes and references to walking around with a head which looks like a penis. For the teenage Partick Stewart, this was a painful reality. Where most would have faded into the dark agony of shame and superglue, this was the eventual measure of the awesome one, and proved to the world that what is inside a head is of greater importance, than what lies atop it. He made baldness cool; after all, how many chrome-domes were around before the Next Generation first aired?


4. He carried the Olympic Flame.
A man who loves his nation, without hating on those across the world is a good dude. A man who enjoys global events which unite our planet, is also a good dude. A man in his seventies who can run between mass crowds in the street purely for the fun of it, is – when especially combined with the other two, awesome.


5. He supports charitable and liberal causes.
In general, politicians are scumbags. Self-serving snakes deceiving the world purely to serve their own agendas of power - to aid the insecurities they never dealt with, we spend our lives listening to them pretend to care about the masses; until the one with the cleanest smelling bullshit wins a seat to grow even more corrupt in. Patrick Stewart is none of that. A true liberal icon, his philosophy is one of allowing everyone the fundamental freedom to do as they wish, just as long as nobody is hurt in the process. Women’s equality? Check. Assisted Suicide by choice? Go for it. Awareness of the horrors of war, he's there! The man does not see colour, culture, class or power, he just sees people; and is all the more awesome for doing so.


6. He is a one half of the world’s greatest senior double act.
Like an aging Northern Krankies, the comedy duo of Ian Mackellen and Patrick Stewart - or Professor Xavier and Magneto to some, are a regular feast of entertainment. Whether gathering selfies with Elmo from Sesame Street, or taking shots of their heads on the rear of a metal bull’s arse, the duo are unadulterated comedy gold. Like a modern Laurel and Hardy, Paddy and Ian are a fierce combination of sheer awesome.

And finally….

7. He announced his marriage on twitter; with this photo…


And there you have it. Patrick Stewart - you are awesome! I am declaring this a fact of the universe which cannot be argued, criticised or discussed in any manner; unless you are William Shatner, that is. If aliens ever visit earth, you would be the one man I would want to represent us...

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