I am glancing my head back into the past; a day, a week, a year, five years, a decade... it seems such a long road of life has passed in a relatively short space of a life - a life I hope remains barely a third of its way through; and that God, or whatever God is, is decent enough to hand me a full shot at, so I can achieve all those hopes and ambitions I believe will sate my soul; that and I would love to be able to one day face myself in a mirror as a bald, fat old man, wearing underpants so high they keep my nipples warm in Winter.
I am wondering if my introspective sensitivity and self-absorbed nature have been counter-intuitive - more often than not, and have heightened generally trivial incidents through the desire of intense melodrama; turning simple issues of non-event into a global crisis. It is as if I grew up watching too many Hollywood movies, and am somehow trying to recreate a fictional world upon a screen and transcend it into real life, to validate a psychological comfort which can only be found in childhood; an act of immaturity, I know - but I am human, we are allowed to make mistakes.
And this is why I look back. The residing factor of turning thirty, which has echoed through my mind this year - more than anything else, is that it is an age where you reach a point in which we have attained an untold number of personal memories and associations of the past, which continuously trigger the subconscious to feel all sorts of varying emotions, as we wander through our daily lives, to serve as a mental reminder of past events. And as life grows more complicated; through the responsibilities of time, ambition, and the powers of technology, it is so easy to get lost and forget that tomorrow is made by a today, which was itself created by yesterday.
I am a believer that all human nature is deep down, both pure and respectful of our own species (an argument as to why we refrain from cannibalism - yet eat virtually every other living creature, as well as engage in burial rituals of our deceased), and only truly wish to help one another - both in terms of biology and personal survival. So any acts of destruction of other humans, will register as a negative, as much as anything helpful, will signal positive. When we strip ourselves of all the conditioning life affords us, all we are really doing to one another, is making their day better, or making it worse; the levels are often threadbare, but it all makes a difference - good or bad.
So I am no longer looking back, but trying to understand that the next ten years of life, carries potential to create a whole host of positive and upbeat memories for both myself and everyone I meet. I genuinely wish everyone on this planet well, as I understand (as we all do), just how bloody tough it is to live life as a human being. If I wish to bring light into my life, I can only do so through bringing sunshine into the lives of others; a situation in which nobody loses, and everybody wins - I love those types of situation.
Or who knows, perhaps this is all a pile of bullshit, and I am being way too melodramatic. I just hope this article creates more smiles than it does frowns - as with everything I write...